this is my first entry anywhere on my website. technically, my sabbatical doesn't start until after memorial day (may 31). this week is meant for vacation, but i feel the need to catalogue my thoughts and experiences.
i have only had "glimpses" of vacation so far. i've been able to have slower mornings and have found ample time to read. i've already finished my first book on the wright brothers. they were amazing men, and what's more, they were pastor's kids (there is hope for my children!)
yet so far it feels like i have just taken a couple of personal days to go and run some errands. i've had a doctor and an eye appointment, paid bills, drove my mom to dialysis, and helped out a friend who experienced fraud on his credit card. i am not complaining. it's been good to check these off my list, but i sort of imagined lounging by the pool all day and drinking margaritas. perhaps that's in my future ;-)
my goal this week is to unplug and quiet down enough so that i can listen to what's going on inside of me. as i listen to my soul, i realize i am tired. to my surprise, i don't have a hunger for God's word -- at least not yet. i am sure that will come, but after having to prepare so many sermons and bible studies over the past 24 years of ministry, i find that i am not ready to digest a big meal. i am merely satisfying my spirit with the spiritual milk of short devotions and prayer times.
an image comes to mind of Jesus in the wilderness. after being famished for 40 days, the angels came to nurse Him back to health. i guess that's where i am at: sipping for my soul until i am ready for a bigger meal.
instead of ignoring my current state or feeling guilty about it, i am accepting it for what it is. faith is a journey, and some times you need to rest along the road side to recuperate. my Heavenly Father has assured me that He loves me, that i am His son, that His Spirit dwells within me, and that He accepts me because of Jesus. He whispers to my soul, "sip spiritual milk if you must. I AM there in this word meal also. wait upon Me, steven. wait up on me, and I will renew your strength. in My time and according to My grace, you will soar like a bald eagle, run like a kenyan marathoner, and speed walk without growing weary. so wait upon Me, child." (isaiah 40:31)
yes, Lord. i will wait. i will wait upon you, and as i do, i thank you for this small glass of spiritual nourishment.